Thank god its Friday

Hey Folks,

I just got home from the office (I usually leave at 1pm on Fridays) and let me tell you it was certainly an exciting week for me!

Has anyone ever glued their fingers together as a result of pure boredom? I was in a car, going between my council office and my Lawrence ave. “satellite” election office and I had a stick of glue in my pocket. I gently brushed it across several of my fingers and then pressed each finger down my chubby thigh, one after the other.

After each subsequent finger was pressed against my hairy leg, the previous one became stuck to my leg. After all fingers became stuck, I smiled at myself for completing the task I set out to accomplish.

With my free hand, I slipped it inside my lunch bag and pulled out one of my favorite treats, an “Eat More” chocolate + nut bar. I unwrapped the bar with one hand (I have lots of practice) and started my Eat More ritual. This usually takes about 10 minutes to complete and I will detail the entire process here.

First I like to put my mouth over the first bite of the Eat More bar and just really get a good amount of slobber going to soften and moisten the initial bite of Eat more. This is usually because sometimes, if stored at the incorrect temperature, the bar itself can get quite hard and can increase the risk of damaging your teeth in that first bite.

After the first bite of the bar has gotten moist enough, I take the Eat More out of my mouth and drag it slowly across my inner thigh (remember my fingers on my right hand are still stuck to my right thigh). So I take the Eat More bar and drag it slowly (while its still wet with my saliva) across my inner thigh until the moisture has been drained off of it. You know when this step is complete when the inner thigh glistens with moisture and chocolate.

After this step is complete , take the rest of the Eat More bar out of the packaging. After it has been removed, take the entire bar and slowly run it from end to end across the bottom of your nose while taking in all that which is the entire scent of the Eat More bar.

Go back and forth across your nose, taking deep breaths through your nose, with the Eat More bar.

After this step is complete, you may now begin eating the Eat More bar.

Take care and have a great weekend,

Blob

Share

5 Responses to “Thank god its Friday”

  • Renata Ford:

    OMG! You told them your Eat More ritual? Is nothing sacred Robbie? I mean, there is another promise you broke!

    You promised when we met, you would only beat me a few times in our marriage — if I got outta line and stuff — but now you are sharing secrets that only u and I know about!!!

    I’m ur chubby buddy! WTF are you doing this to me???

    *vomit rising*

    As you can see, I have to run to the powder room again, your detail OTT blog entry has me throwing up spontaneously and everywhere, almost all day!

    • Blob Ford:

      every time you roll over on top of me and flop your body overtop of mine , i start the long process of resisting the overwhelming gag reflex that ensues.

      renata , you need to learn your place in this world

      • Renata Angry Ford:

        Damn u Robbie! My place?

        Why are you so sexist still? Haven’t u learned anything?

        Every-time you roll over in bed, I live in fear you’ll roll over me and I’LL BE DEAD!

        What would I do then? Who would make your steaks, with ice cream and grease?

  • Gordo:

    Another great food tip! Thanks a lot Mr. Ford I’ll try it out tonight in the tub. Do you spend much time at Cloverdale Mall? It would be nice to run into you someday and thank you in person.

  • Wizard Sleeve:

    You know, I’ve been Eat More bars pretty solidly for a good 20 years now and I’ve never thought of this procedure. Not only does it protect what brown, Eat More-stained teeth you might have left, but it also provides a gentle calming effect that I was missing before. Usually, when I’m having an Eat More, all I can really concentrate on is my pre-existing rage boner, but now I can actually concentrate on the taste again! Like when I was little. Thanks, mister Ford. And Renata – Shut your mouth. Rob’s a busy man and he doesn’t need any of your lip. Again, thanks Mr. Ford.

Leave a Reply

*

Recent Comments